Abstract
In this article I focus on what it means have a dual identity as a practitioner and a researcher within an ethnographic research study in the context of a hospice. I discuss moments when I experienced the tension between the roles of researcher and practitioner during fieldwork. I discuss some of the difficulties of managing the boundary between closeness and distance in terms of the observer and participant roles adopted. I explore the challenges for the researcher with a dual identity and how methods of reflexive accounting enhance the credibility of such a study. Thus I document the lived experience of my fieldwork; my thoughts and feelings when the insider and outsider identities collide; and how the identity crisis that resulted was resolved.